Over the years I have written articles about “Marketing Insensitives.”My original inspiration for this topic was a call from a telemarketer offering me some “marketing insensitives” to purchase a product. Yes, she really said this. She was not being clever; she just couldn’t pronounce “incentive.”
Marketing Insensitives do exist. They are the unfortunate, not-thought-through, ridiculous, dumb things that businesses do that drive customers away. Here is one:
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The potential customer makes a phone call…
Ring, ring, ring…
Automated Telephone Attendant: Thank you for calling Wonderful Widget World. We’re happy that you have called. Here you will find our total selection of Wonderful Widgets along with bargains galore and expert service from our happy, healthy sales consultants all here to help you find the Wonderful Widget of your dreams. Please visit us at www.wonderfulwidgetworld.com. And please listen carefully as our selections have changed.
Press 1 if you know the extension you wish to reach
Press 2 if you want our mailing address
Press 3 to find the Wonderful Widget World near you
Press 4 if you would like to receive our Wonderful Widget World catalogue
Press 5 if you would like to receive our Wonderful Widget World special offers
Press 6 if you would like to be taken off of our Wonderful Widget World mailing list
Press 7 if you would like to be on our Wonderful Widget World mailing list
Press 8 if you would like to be taken off of our Wonderful Widget World email list
Press 9 if you would like to be on our Wonderful Widget World email list
Press 10 if you would like to contact the Wonderful Widget World Safety Council
Press 11 if you would like to contact the Wonderful Widget World International Charitable Foundation
Press 12 if you would like to speak with a sales consultant
Press 13 if you would like our Wonderful Widget World Directory
Press 14 to hear a recording of our happy, healthy Wonderful Widget World sales consultants singing, “We Are the World”
Press 15 if you would like to a receive complimentary photograph of the team building session at our annual Wonderful Widget World retreat
Press 16 to hear these choices repeated
The potential customer presses “12” wanting to speak with a sales consultant and buy some wonderful widgets.
Automated Telephone Attendant: Thank you for calling Wonderful Widget World. No one is available to take your call. Our sales consultants are all busy, busy, busy, busy helping other customers. But, we’re happy that you have called. Here you will find our total selection of Wonderful Widgets along with bargains galore and expert service from our happy, healthy sales consultants all here to help you find the Wonderful Widget of your dreams. Please visit us at www.wonderfulwidgetworld.com. Please listen carefully as our selections have changed…
Enough said.
